This poem appears in my poetry collection Coffee Shop Sessions: Whatever It Takes, Even If It Doesn’t Take available on Amazon.
I need words I need better words Words of joy Words of healing Words to console me in times of need Words of understanding Words to make me feel complete Words of love Words of compassion Words that show a deeper meaning than what appears in front of me
Words that you cannot find Words that you cannot express Words that will never enter your heart or mind And will never leave your lips
I need words to hang onto Words that lift me up Words that will make me want to come back to you Words that will make me want a future with you
Dear love, Thoughts of you the other day brought smiles. Today thoughts of you produced overrun swells in my eyes. The many years we’ve been separated, but how our hearts have always been close, how many more years will it be like this? Living in fantasy and memories all of the time is no way of living. The truth of what can never be, will I ever set these feelings free? This arrested state of bliss, of dreaming of our next kiss… and the pain of knowing that it may be a million years away. We’re so close yet always out of reach. I sit and dream of you, and wonder… will our dreams ever come true.
Images and words suddenly appear, words I’ve longed for hitting deep as they wrap around and envelop me, overwhelming yet satisfying.
Since our last meeting your ghostly presence arrived in the oddest of places: romantic restaurants, quaint cafes, art galleries, long car drives, concert halls, walking in a park, every room of the house, and late at night in bed.
Days leading up to the most significant life events, it was you always there intervening and me not finding the right words to express the emptiness, the loss, the longing, the wanting.
Reunions are great, they say, as long as you don’t have to deal with the past, as long as it doesn’t control your present, and as long as the flame doesn’t consume you.
Yet, here I am standing steadily in the burning flames with you again.
Underneath. Down here where it’s calm. Where the black beauty of the abyss touches my feet. All is quiet. All is still. I’m entombed as if in a coffin. Locked forever in my own space Controlling the promise of my ever after. And then you came. Pelting my world. Hurtling across like a comet in my stretching blue sky. You bring the change, flowing through like a weather system. Flourishing my eyes open like a new season. Calling sub-oceanic flowers to bloom within me. Aquatic forest pines that reach up to touch the surface. To reach and touch your face. My hands branch to catch the light you dazzle. A sudden rush you instill within me like heroin bubbles in my blood. Coming up too soon, bending my compression that has kept my heart safe. Heading for the bends. I’m a fish not born to fly with you. High where the birds and angels soar. Hidden in these depths for reasons. For sins that keep me drowned. Now it rains under water, puddling the pool of the sea that parts us. And I drift in the stream of sorrow. Knowing that the rain on the surface, is really your tears.