Don’t Walk In Anger

I twist in the night, in anger.

I wake in the morning, in anger.

I know the dreams are just dreams

but the aching is tangible,

it’s at the forefront that I can’t shake.

It’s too early to feel this way, with holes punctured through the heart.

A feeling that I’ve been used as target practice.

Congratulations, you’ve won

You’ve robbed me yet again from waking with the delight of a new day,

from appreciating the sound of rain

from appreciating the joy of sleeping in

from being eager to seize the day

from wanting to spark a conversation

from the lovely moments a couple should spend in each other’s company.

No, what you’ve done is created years of silence and regret.

You’ve created a longing to escape.

You’ve created thousands of miles between us.

And each step I’m taking, I’m moving in the opposite direction.

I don’t want to waste years in anger.

I don’t want my children to witness silent anger filled with despair.

I don’t want to hide my feelings when they question what’s wrong.

I take a deep breath and sigh.

There is love out there waiting.

These years will pass.

The storm that consumes and derails will pass.

And we will live under the sun.

Yes, these rainy day Mondays filled with aching & longing will one day be filled with the peace of love.

Or so we can dream.

nous avons tout le temps pour nous

The summer’s ritual of an evening rain gushes down upon my large umbrella. I quickly step to dodge flooding puddles surrounding me. And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing most of my life, avoiding disasters. But the person awaiting my arrival, he is my safe haven. Everything leading up to this moment, although it may have been disastrous at times, is exactly how it should have been. I pull to close the umbrella, brush a few raindrops from my face, take a deep sigh, and pull open the door to the coffee shop where we’ve arranged to meet. He stands to greet me. My nerves are shot, and I can’t for the life of me know where to begin. I squeeze out a nervous smile. We’ve already reconnected for the past year but, this is the first time I get to see him again and I’m uneasy. Do I start from step one, see where this goes? Do I immediately pull into the throes of a lover’s embrace? So many questions racing for an answer. I want to turn off the questions in my mind, sit here and stare at him for a while. Order a coffee & tea, and say something, anything to believe that this was all meant to be. I want him to teach me a few phrases I have yet to learn and do all the things we have left to do. And I know we will. We have the time. We have all the time. We have all the time for us.

Thanks for reading. This is an edited repost from August 2020.

Raining underneath

by Mark Ryan – Check out more of his work here: Havoc and Consequence

Underneath. Down here where it’s calm.
Where the black beauty of the abyss touches my feet.
All is quiet.
All is still.
I’m entombed as if in a coffin.
Locked forever in my own space
Controlling the promise of my ever after.
And then you came.
Pelting my world.
Hurtling across like a comet in my stretching blue sky.
You bring the change, flowing through like a weather system.
Flourishing my eyes open like a new season.
Calling sub-oceanic flowers to bloom within me.
Aquatic forest pines that reach up to touch the surface.
To reach and touch your face.
My hands branch to catch the light you dazzle.
A sudden rush you instill within me like heroin bubbles in my blood.
Coming up too soon, bending my compression that has kept my heart safe.
Heading for the bends.
I’m a fish not born to fly with you.
High where the birds and angels soar.
Hidden in these depths for reasons.
For sins that keep me drowned.
Now it rains under water, puddling the pool of the sea that parts us.
And I drift in the stream of sorrow.
Knowing that the rain on the surface, is really your tears.

Meet Me in the Rain

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Meet me in the rain
So I can explain
The sun’s gone
And it’s been too long

I look at your pictures on the wall
I shouldn’t keep them up for too long
I miss the sound of you down the hall
So I avoid the sound of you at all

It’s as if the flood gates of heaven opened up from God’s weeping
Deep down I know it wasn’t you I should be keeping

Endless Night

At the end of the day
The rain now steadily falls
I’ve laid here for hours
Waiting for sleep to come
Keeping my mind company,
I’ve put a few records on

Spinning my favorites and laying low,
Leonard, Elliot, Thom, and Isakov,
Each song delivers a blow
Throwing me back to years ago

I’ve laid here in the dark for so long
It’s too much trouble to turn the lights on
My mind is heavy
As the rain continues to fall
It’ll be morning soon
But I’ll keep on playing
All those heartbreaking songs

Get Lost in the Pouring Rain [with audio]

*spoken word*

So feeble
We fumble
Bodies tangling, intertwining
We get lost in the moment,
In the rush
Drifting off to our own space

No time like the present
We’re looking for answers in the pouring rain

If you could get by
For one night
Without looking for the answers

If you could
For one night
Love me just the same

Everybody needs something
To justify their existence
If we could
Just for one night
Get lost in the pouring rain

Everybody needs a reason
A reason to change
If we could
Just for one night
Get lost in the pouring rain


Listen to my poems on SoundCloud
This poem, along with others, can be found in my book Coffee Shop Sessions II: Moving Mountains One by One