The heart stops,
and fear attacks
tearing and scraping the insides.
Stepping back, it’s not the right time.
It’s too delicate; my hands are tied.
I stall. I ruminate. I do all the things not to destroy this.
I dread that I will, gravely… to the point of not moving.
This is what it’s like when people become a ghost.
It’s too much to go forward.
So, I turn
in the opposite direction.
I originally wrote this poem earlier this year (May 2020) and have revisited it often to get it just right. The original poem is shown below along with the updated version that I plan to publish in my next book. Let me know what you think in the comments below.
The original poem:
Walking down to the beach, I’ll see you standing there, bother you, and tug on that beard. I’ll knock you down, roll around with you through the waves and land on top. You’ll have the sand between your hairs, our bodies soaking wet, while watching the sand melt away beneath us. It’ll melt the distance between us, it’ll melt the silence held within while we watch the waves in unison. Daydreaming for hours because we know the waves will never stop. And maybe, just maybe, we hope to be like those waves: with ceaseless power, flowing carelessly.
The updated version:
Along the shoreline, the two of us stand close
as the distance between us grows.
It comes across in hurling waves,
unlike the gentleness that greeted us.
Let me bother you,
and remind you I’m still here.
The stale heat of the summer air
weighs us down into a thick fog.
If only I could reach for a knife
to cut right through, separating us in two.
I watch you standing there,
but I’d rather tug on the red in your beard.
I’d give anything to roll through the waves
with me landing on top,
to lay with our bodies soaking wet,
watching the earth melt away beneath us.
The distance between us would dissolve,
and the silence held within, while
watching the waves in unison.
Our feet would become cemented in place
while daydreaming for hours, as we
know the waves will never end.
Just as we once aspired to be:
never-ending, flowing carelessly.
rip out my insides, pull out the intestines from the gut punches bruised, the heart that heaves and beats rapidly for thee, the mind that overthinks and runs ceaselessly over everything, pull it all out, it does nothing for me, it only runs for you.
my hands were made to hold only you my arms were made to embrace you my legs were made to wrap around you my hips were made to rise and sink with your every move my lips were made to kiss only you my eyes were made to only see you