Dear love, Thoughts of you the other day brought smiles. Today thoughts of you produced overrun swells in my eyes. The many years we’ve been separated, but how our hearts have always been close, how many more years will it be like this? Living in fantasy and memories all of the time is no way of living. The truth of what can never be, will I ever set these feelings free? This arrested state of bliss, of dreaming of our next kiss… and the pain of knowing that it may be a million years away. We’re so close yet always out of reach. I sit and dream of you, and wonder… will our dreams ever come true.
Images and words suddenly appear, words longed for hitting deep as they wrap around and envelop me, overwhelming yet satisfying.
Since our last meeting your ghostly presence arrived in the oddest of places: romantic restaurants, quaint cafes, art galleries, long car drives, concert halls, walking in a park, every room of the house, and late at night in bed.
Days leading up to significant life events, it was you always there intervening and me not finding the right words to express the emptiness, the loss, the longing, the wanting.
Reunions are great, they say, as long as you don’t have to deal with the past, as long as it doesn’t control your present, as long as the flame doesn’t consume you.
Yet, here I stand steadily in the burning flames with you.
This poem is pulled from snippets of Esteban Rodriguez’s poem, El Rio. These snippets pulled together brought out a truth that spoke to me. Check out his poem in Non.PlusLit.
ready to give up
what they knew they’d never be
aware what he believes in
will not always remain
and though you want to believe
when he tells you this
you find nothing when you look
each time you place yourself in the middle of it
and which you hope
if the time should come
Even in sleep
unsure if they’re signals
if he does what awaits
or stay if his limbs grow numb
accept the nothingness
he prays he has the strength to wake up
he will be found and dragged to a place where you eventually
promise him to not suffer
unsure how you got here
or if any part of this is real
you find a man you believe
only he doesn’t remember you
or of the decades he spent
knowing as you know now
the path leading back
would not welcome his return
I’ve tumbled through the rolling hills, hiked to the snow-capped peaks, stargazed in the desert with Joshua trees and driven up the Pacific coast to get a closer look at that picturesque ocean where locals claim anything goes
I’ve snorkeled through Atlantic waters, crossed the longest bridges, drifted through meandering rivers, and flown over the deepest canyon ridges
I’ve traveled to many far-off lands, pondered what exactly happened at Stonehenge, unearthed layers of civilization, held history in my fingertips and seen everything there is to witness
Sunrise, sunset, and everything in between but what my heart longs to see is you, my love, with open arms standing in front of me no amount of land would stand in our way O, I’m moving mountains one by one just to see you again