poem

Split in Two

The way I hide away,
to remove myself, from myself,
from my other self,
the one that overthinks,
to remain in motion,
without hindrance or hesitation,
because she doesn’t want to
think of how disorganized,
an absolute wreck, she is
trying to keep it all together.

She exhausts herself; gives
too much to others until
burnout. She keeps up with
self-care, responsibilities,
other duties but she knows
it’s just a matter of time
until it all blows.

She breathes to steady the
heartbeat; in, out, in, out.
Another thing she tries
to control but she knows
it’s only a matter of time
until it too takes
it’s last toll.

poem

Exhaust

You give to others to be the love they need
You give to others to be the one when no one else is there
To be their cheerleader, to be their rock
When no one else had cheered for you
When you thought the more you give, the more you get
To see the smile and warmth in their faces
When you thought it would give everlasting joy
It is but a fleeting moment after hours of attempts to muscle through
It is the high at the top of the roller coaster before the car drops
And it’s the sinking slowly back into the sand
Covered up to your eyes, just enough so you can’t be seen
But you see that there’s no one giving back to you

And you breathe that in, breathe out and release

poem

Sudden Attack

The heart stops,
stomach drops,
and fear attacks
tearing and scraping the insides.
Stepping back, it’s not the right time.
It’s too delicate; my hands are tied.

I stall. I ruminate. I do all the things not to destroy this.
I dread that I will, gravely… to the point of not moving.
This is what it’s like when people become a ghost.
It’s too much to go forward.
So, I turn
in the opposite direction.